i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
