Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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