Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
