I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
