drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
