I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
