Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize