so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We just shotgunned beers for America
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
