There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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