I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize