Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
