I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
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I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.