Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial

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(480): I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial http://tfl.nu/135m

Replies (7) Good night (1366) Bad night (975)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me

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(678): I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me http://tfl.nu/yjun

Replies (7) Good night (1233) Bad night (2471)
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(330): View more from Ohio

He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"

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(330): He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits" http://tfl.nu/f8ma

Replies (15) Good night (4658) Bad night (1833)
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

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(+64): I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked. http://tfl.nu/59qo

Replies (5) Good night (3684) Bad night (981)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.

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(256): Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO. http://tfl.nu/k62i

Replies (8) Good night (3546) Bad night (909)
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(514): View more from Quebec

bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.

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(514): bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister. http://tfl.nu/visn

Replies (7) Good night (1450) Bad night (2333)
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(205): View more from Alabama

i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP

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(205): i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP http://tfl.nu/52p4

Replies (12) Good night (2368) Bad night (890)
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(562): View more from California

The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.

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(562): The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend. http://tfl.nu/pf8e

Replies (5) Good night (1391) Bad night (595)
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(207): View more from Maine

Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????

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(207): Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport???? http://tfl.nu/yffg

Replies (11) Good night (918) Bad night (3355)
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(347): View more from New York

He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?

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(347): He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family? http://tfl.nu/6x1g

Replies (10) Good night (669) Bad night (2313)
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(940): View more from Texas

you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.

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(940): you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can. http://tfl.nu/3ex5

Replies (7) Good night (914) Bad night (1002)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm pregnant.

(1-407): View more from Florida

The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???

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(407): I'm pregnant. (1-407): The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number??? http://tfl.nu/ivb7

Replies (17) Good night (1742) Bad night (2406)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.

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(403): Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards. http://tfl.nu/sqj0

Replies (3) Good night (976) Bad night (555)
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(408): View more from California

We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!

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(408): We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?! http://tfl.nu/o08x

Replies (3) Good night (783) Bad night (411)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....

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(515): Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity.... http://tfl.nu/stin

Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (509)

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