guess who came home with a hottie last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.