No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.