I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.