sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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