You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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