What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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