he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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