Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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