if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
