And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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