some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
