Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
