I faked an abortion last night.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
