hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
