so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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