just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
