Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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