Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I love you.
Bad choice
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
