You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
