This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
