i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
