i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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