I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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