just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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