is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
