glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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