so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
