if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
