And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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