LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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