your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
