PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
