You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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