my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
