I feel like I'm in dance class right now
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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