i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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