his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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