i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
