For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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