I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
