3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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