Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's official drugs can't kill me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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