I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You were trust falling into bushes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
