I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
as a side note pls kill me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
