If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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