Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
