I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
