Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
