I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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