You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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