what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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